im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
