I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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