I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize