By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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