Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i jhust puked up my retainher.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
