Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
