so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
