and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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