Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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