Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
