He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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