i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
