i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
