I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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