Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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