you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
