respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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