thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize