You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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