I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
