Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
