Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
