those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
