i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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