She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
