the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
