she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
