my phone needs a breathalizer
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
