that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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