Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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