dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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