just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We smell like vodka and hangover
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
