Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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