Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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