You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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