Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
