why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
