i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
