i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My ass is underappreciated
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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