pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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