im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
