I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize