There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
