Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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