So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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