they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
