I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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