Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
