WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
