Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Even my vagina gasped.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
