if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
