I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
