Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Randomize
