The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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