I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I believe in your delicious
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
