do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
