Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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