I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
