I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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