I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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