Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
