They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
