I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
