Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
