Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
