we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
