I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
