I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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