You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
