Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can text with my tongue
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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