PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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