PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
