Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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