I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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