I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
