i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
this is an emotional support booty call
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
