There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
