Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
