I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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