i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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