i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
