It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
