I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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