And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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