just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize