The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
