I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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