Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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