I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
