i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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