I just made out with a guy for $7.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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