I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
