Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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