And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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