she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
