Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
